Then and Now

My children grew up in the same house I grew up in, and I grew up right down the street from where my father grew up. To listen to him talk of how our town was when he was a young boy always fascinated me. We grew up in Belleville, New Jersey in a section known as Silver Lake. It was called that because at one time that is exactly what it was.

A little history about Silver Lake which is located at the northwest end of Belleville. Silver Lake bounced back and forth between Belleville, Newark, and Bloomfield before finally becoming a permanent part of Belleville. Back in the day, in the 1700’s a stream ran along the area between Bloomfield Ave in Newark and Newark Avenue in Bloomfield. Now from stories I have read there was a dam built back in 1730 along with a mill by Jasper Crane and Joshua Miller. With a dam built the water from the stream built up and formed a lake which became known as Silver Lake. This lake was about 300 feet wide and a half-mile long. The stories I have heard growing up were, the Mill was on what is now Heller Parkway in Newark. The reason they decided to build the dam to begin with was to extract the mercury in the bottom of the stream. My father told me the mercury at the bottom of the lake was how it got the name Silver Lake, makes sense to me. During a server storm in June of 1889 the dam was washed away never to be rebuilt. The lake drained and in time the stream it was originally formed from dried up.

Farms, buildings, and roads started to fill in where the lake once stood. People started to move in and I will say Silver Lake had a huge Italian population. My father grew up in a house his father and grandfather built. They had a small farm which they supported their family with. Times were different, families stayed close together. The area wasn’t crowded and everyone knew their neighbors. Children actually had respect for their elders, their parents, and heaven forbid they acted up in school they would get it worse when they came home.

My father told me stories of the neighbors getting together and doing pig roasts and everyone was involved in one part of it or another and when all was said and done the entire neighborhood enjoyed a feast. The children played games, the women cooked, but the men handled the roasting of the pig which was done in the ground.

Of course over the years times changed and by the time my father was a teenager war had broken out and young men were enlisting in the service of their country, proud to wear the uniform. When the war was over and the boys came home they were cheered on and life continued but for some jobs were hard to come by.

One of the funniest stories my father told me was about after he returned from service. It was a warm Sunday afternoon and he skipped church that day along with many of the young men in the neighborhood. As a matter of fact they spent their time in front of the local pool hall shoot craps. Yep, they actually did that out in the open on the street.

After church on this particular Sunday, Father Gillick of Saint Anthony’s did what he did every Sunday. He walked around the neighborhood and visited those who couldn’t make to mass that day, the sick and the elderly. Well as he walked down Lake Street he came up to the young men, my father included, and said hello. Of course, they were all very respectful and said, “Hello Father.” He told them he missed them in mass that day and they apologized promising to be there the following Sunday. Father then took note of the pot they were shooting for and commented on how nice it would be to buy the children ice cream since it was such a hot day. No one said a word as Father reached into the pot, took some money and went in the pool hall to buy ice cream for all of the neighborhood children. Not a word did they utter but my father said the shock on their faces said it all. When father left, after he passed out all the ice cream, he thanked the young men for their kindness. Of course they all just responded, “You’re welcome Father.” I got a kick out of this story because I always saw my father and the other men on the block as tough guys but one thing they would not mess with was Father Gillick.  Like I said a simpler time.

By the time I came to be living on Lake Street in Belleville it was a bit more congested but still the same in so many ways. My family was still living on the block so I was lucky to be in walking distance to my great grandmother and my grandparents. Not to mention my aunts and uncles and so many cousins, it was great.

There was still no out on the street after dark. If you weren’t on the porch when the street lights went on you were grounded. No talking back, no asking why, you just did it because you were told. School was where you went to learn not play and get into trouble. If your parents had to go to school because you talked back or were in a fight, trust me, it was not good when you got home.

Our parents had goals for us and the biggest one was for their children to do better in life than they ever did. They didn’t want their children to struggle, leave school early, and regret not fulfilling their dreams. To my parents being   American Citizens gave you more opportunities for a better life than anywhere else in the world. I believe that was for many of the men and women of that time.

My children grew up in the same house I did. I instilled the same values as my parents did. As a single mother I think I was a little harder on them because I felt they only had me to push and push hard. I taught my children to reach for their dream and never give up until they achieve it. I am proud to say all three of them have reached their dream and are still climbing but they grew up in a time when things were beginning to change. I remember the first time my son couldn’t find a pay phone to call home for a ride from the movies. I was in a panic because he decided to walk with his friends until he could find one. Of course I found him first but not until my heart was pounding in my chest. Beepers were the thing then but what good were they if there was no pay phone to call home from.

Now everyone has their cell phone and kids today are taking them to school, sitting at the dinner table playing their games or talking to their friends, and everywhere you go someone is on the phone. People have forgotten how to interact with one another and it’s sad.

Once a month my family does family night. Almost ten years ago I lost my sister and one of the promises I made her was to keep our families together. To see to it our children stayed close and our children’s children do as well. So I made the suggestion of a monthly family night. We all cook something and do the usual sitting around the table talking and laughing and playing with the kids. It gives us all something to look forward to every month and it gives us a chance to teach the younger ones our family traditions.

In today’s society we have lost sight of what is important. So many only see the horrors and the negativity in the world and forget how important our dreams are. They live to cause chaos and bring drama around them. What they don’t understand is this is not the way to have open communication and bring this country together.

Yes I grew up in a simpler time but I also grew up with respect, love and understanding of those around me. I cannot understand someone who would deliberately hurt another human being just because they don’t agree with their way of thinking. I cannot understand someone who allows their children to fight in the streets and protest as if they are animals. I cannot understand anyone, and this goes to even when I was a teenager, disrespecting or flag, our country, our military, and our veterans.

Our country may have gotten older, but it isn’t getting better. We need to work together and bring back the values and morals that were once a big part of our every day. We need to teach our children to respect others and we need to remind so many adults, you aren’t given respect you earn it. If you are going to act the crazy person and scream at someone don’t expect them to respond with kindness.

I know we cannot go back in time but we can improve where we are today. We can take steps to be more positive and to be proactive where our children are concerned so they grow up knowing nothing is owed to them. If something is worthwhile then it is worth working for. We can teach our children how lucky they are to be a part of this country and to be grateful for all they are blessed with instead of expecting it.

I know I say this a lot but we can teach our children to be thankful to our military and police. To take a moment when they see a police officer or any military personal and say thank you for your service. To take a moment and thank a veteran for all they have done so our families can grow up in a free world. No we cannot set the clock back to simpler times but we can make life better just by teaching our children respect, morals, and honor, teaching them what is important in this world doesn’t always center around them. Teaching them that life isn’t easy but in America it’s a lot better than anywhere else in the world because of the men and women who gave their all so we can have what we do today.

May God Bless America and help us bring her back to all her glory.